By Tatiana Parent
When the zombie apocalypse happens just follow these simple steps and you’ll be navigating the barren wasteland and empty roads, not just effortlessly, but you’ll be surviving in style!
1.) Hit the Road. Don’t just hang around when the apocalypse hits, you need to be mobile and proactive. Pack up the RV, load up on gas, and get the hell outta Dodge! Also, remember you’re not just packing up the wife and kids for the “Great American Road Trip,” far from it, this is more like “Holy Crap, Get the Hell in the Car, the Neighbor’s Daughter Just Ate Her Dad and She’s On Her Way Over Here, So Let’s MOVE!”
2.) Towns NOT Cities/Backroads NOT Highways. You’ll want to avoid major cities, as they’re likely infested with the walking dead and there’s probably nothing in them anyway since they’ve likely been looted long before you lot rambled in. Best places to find food, water, and other necessities: Small towns. Especially the ones that are really off the beaten path, plus they have such charm.
3.) Pack some heat. If you’ve seen Mad Max or any Romero film, you know know there’s probably gonna be some sicko gangs out there (possibly gangs of radioactive cannibals or just your typical zombie hordes), so prepare to defend yourself and your brood. Remember, when food’s scarce, people start to look more like pork chops than humans. Also, your car is your temple, so defend it! I’m talkin’ bullet-proof cladding, maybe a rocket-launcher on the roof. Whatever, you get the point. The best offense is a good defense.
4.) Wilderness Training. Before the apocalypse hits it’s important to brush up on wilderness skills. Learn how to build a shelter, start a fire, hunt, shoot a bow-and-arrow, skin a bear, um, fish, forage, you know, outdoorsy stuff.
You’re gonna have to live off the land for quite some time while civilization rebuilds (or collapses in on itself like a dying star), but hey, look on the bright side, now you can finally take that family road trip you’ve always wanted.
References (Don’t laugh, they could save your life).
Zombie First Responder Course (ZFR), Portland, OR: http://trackerspdx.com/zombie-apocalypse/zombie-first-responder.php
Centers for Disease Control (CDC) Zombie Preparedness: http://yourlife.usatoday.com/health/story/2011-10-18/Get-ready-for-return-of-the-CDC-zombies/50819314/1
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