Mike's Place

1. Mike is always right. (just don't ask his wife) 2. Only Mike or the managers may refer to the waitress staff as serving wenches. (They call us studpuppets. Honest!) 3. Special Orders DO UPSET US ! (our kitchen is staffed with former professional wrestlers) 4. The customer is NOT always right. (refer to rule #1) 5. Tips may be thrown at cooks. (in appreciation or as an incentive to never cook again) 6. Yes, burping is allowed and appreciated. (please, no rolling your placemats into megaphones) 7. Thou shalt control thy children or we will provide duct tape. 8. We will not split orders. If you are that cheap, split it yourself. 9. Tip your waitress so they don't lose your order next time. 10. Stop stealing our menus and we'll stop keying your cars. 11. Silverware is for eating with, not for throwing at your waitress to get her attention. 12. No making motorboat noises in your beer. 13. We serve breakfast all day (cuz we never know when your lazy butt is getting out of bed) 14. We realize that the ingredients are similar (water, grains and yeast) but you cannot substitute beer for toast. 15. No jousting with steak knives in the aisles please, it really doesn't impress our waitresses anyway. To best capture their attention, try throwing cash. 16. Please refrain from using "the force" to remove treasured items from our hallowed walls or levitating the X-wing. 17. Please do not try to get a discount by claiming to be a friend of Mike's unless you can answer these questions: a) What was his name before he joined the witness relocation program?  b) How long was he on tour with the Michael Stanley Band?  c) True or false? His AOL screen name is Obi Wannabe Canoli.  d) What was his position in the Reagan Administration?